This is a very personal post. Today I finally feel that I’m ready to tell my story. I’m ready to share the struggle I went through and the way it continues to affect me today. I really want to be as transparent as possible, because then hopefully you will see I am genuine, and human. We all have our personal trials…and this is mine. I hope that you will take the time to read this, and that something I say will resonate within you.
My story begins when I was 16. I decided that I wasn’t good enough anymore. My body didn’t measure up. I was too chubby, and I took it upon myself to change that. 5 kilograms. That was all I thought I needed to lose. Then I would be skinny. Then I would be pretty…and then I would be happy.
Except…I wasn’t. I lost the 5 kgs, but I still felt empty. I still wasn’t slim enough. I continued to tediously monitor everything that I ate and punished myself by exercising. It was the perfect equation…energy in, energy out…consuming only enough to survive while losing the flesh from my bones.
5 kgs turned to 10. My clothes no longer fit properly. I was a wilting daisy, a fading wallflower. And yet, with every decrease in number on the scale, my heart would leap with joy. I couldn’t see that I was no longer the same person…just a shell of my former self.
This my friends, is where it gets good. If I had taken another step forward, I would have been plummeting into a deep dark hole. But praise God, someone pulled me back from the edge of the precipice.
I discovered a passion for exercise which lead me to want to fuel my body with real food. Suddenly I was no longer concerned with how much I weighed. Instead I began striving to build a stronger body. I realised that food was not the enemy. I began cultivating a passion for enjoying food in all its glorious goodness (which lead to my desire to study Nutrition.)
I’m not gonna lie, I still have those days where I pick on all of my ‘flaws.’ Except, now every time I have negative thoughts about myself I am thankful for these things because of what they are. They are a blessing. The things that make you different are the things that make you, you!
As Dr Suess himself says… “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
My dear friend, stop comparing yourself to those around you. Instead aim to be the best version of yourself.
I’m so very thankful that I have this opportunity to share my personal struggle with you. What an absolute testament to God’s goodness and faithfulness. There is nothing I want more for my life than to be a blessing to others. I hope that through hearing this story you will feel compelled in some way to be more honest with others.
And if you too have had a similar experience or still feel the suffocating grip of an eating disorder in your life, I would love to chat with you (email@example.com).
Please know that you are not alone. Maybe I can be your angel that pulls you back from the precipice.
Thank you for listening. If nothing else…I hope that you realise that we are all human. Everyone has story, just not everyone is willing to share or to listen.